In the "mommy wars", can I be Switzerland?

I tell ya, we women are tough to please...and if I may go so far, I will say that the majority of us are some judgemental "you-know-whats" when it comes to how we view other women. Oh come on, you know it's true....from those awkward tween years, to the spiteful full-blown-teen ones to the grand-daddy of judgmental times....Parenthood.

As much as I like to say that I am a VERY tolerant and accepting person who tries to see the good in everyone, there are moments when I admit it....I think I am doing something better than someone else...or everyone else.  We all do it...come on....admit it. I know, it makes me feel dirty too...but its the truth. It is something that is just embedded in us. Whether it is discipline styles, medical care choices, or extracurricular activities, our choices as parents are unending and 110% personal. And often, we don't agree with the choices our best friends, sisters, or the random other mom at the grocery store, make. And while most of us will never say boo about it or make these thoughts known, our minds are often swirling with them. And so, we stew about it...I stew quite well.

One of the most highly inflammatory debates among parents is: Should both parents work? Or is it best for one to be home with the kiddos? (I can hear the blood boiling across the screen already) Also known as...."The Mommy Wars"

Let me begin by saying that I have been on BOTH sides of this argument and truthfully, it is an argument that I continue to fight with myself and drive my husband crazy with on a DAILY basis (OK, maybe I try to contain the husband part to once a week or so....). I have worked crazy corporate hours and come home to spend a whole 20 minutes with my kids before they go to bed. And I have spent long days at home with an infant and a toddler,  pulling my hair out and longing for interaction with adults that doesn't involve conversation about milestones, sleeping patterns, or diaper contents. Both have moments that suck. And both have moments of sheer perfection.

I have had the joy that comes along with walking in the door after a long day at the office and having my toddler wrap herself around my legs and excitedly tell me all about her day and how much she loves me. I have had feeling of pride that comes of taking my little girl into my office and showing her what I do all day and seeing her eyes light up with the possibilities that come along with what we may consider mundane office tasks. I can see her dreaming of her future and all the possibilities that it holds. I have had the satisfaction of contributing financially to their future. And I have learned to appreciate each and every minute that I have with my kiddos because when you only have about 20 of them after work, you learn to make the most of each tick of the clock.

On the other hand, being home with my kiddos, I have had the satisfaction of being the hero to kiss the boo-boos that come with toddler life (it's rough you know...) and make it "all better". I am the one that gets to answer the ongoing lists of questions that they ask....and make sure that I am continuing to challenge them to ask even more.  I have had the chance to show my kids that you can turn something that you are passionate about into a business venture. And I have had the chance to slow down time just a little bit....because let's face it, days can be long at home...but we all know that they are only little for a very short time.

Argh....just writing this has induced anxiety for me once again. Which choice is the "right" one? Which one ensures that I am doing the most good for my family? What is right "right now" may not be what is right for our family in 5 years. Not to mention the fact that what is best for ME right now may not be what is best for ME down the road...can't forget to take care of mama (or papa).

What makes a parent a "good parent" is the love that they share with their kiddos....not the number of minutes they see them each day, but what they DO with the moments they have. A good parent loves, shapes, and guides their children in a way that ensures they turn out to be the best possible version of themselves that they can be.  A good parent DOESN'T belittle others in front of their children or openly judge other parents for the choices they make. A good parent not only teaches, but listens. Last time I checked, a parent could do any and all of these things regardless of employment status.

The bottom line, in the Mommy Wars, I choose to be Switzerland. I choose no side...because quite frankly, I could go either way. Call me a coward, call me a weeble wobbler, but I fully straddle the imaginary line that exists between working parents and SAHM/Ds and depending on the day (or the hour) I can tip one way or the other. Maybe it just depends which hip I am holding the heavier kiddo on....