Hug your kids....

With my children tucked safely into their beds napping this afternoon, the tears can finally stream down my face. The events of this week, have left me, and the majority of this nation, emotionally drained. There simply are no words that can be put to a tragedy such as that that happened earlier today in Newtown, Connecticut. The crime is unspeakable and the tears this nation is shedding are not limited to the families in the idyllic New England community. This crime has brought mothers, fathers, newsmen, and world leaders to tears. 26 lives brought to an end, 20 of whom are children whose light had not yet had a chance to fully shine on this world. I am not one to use the term "It's not fair...", but this afternoon, my soul aches and that phrase runs through my mind over and over again.

When I head the news of the shooting in Oregon earlier this week, I was shocked. It hit so close to home. Only about 2 miles from our former home in Happy Valley, I walked that mall countless times, often with my children, never fearing for what terrible tragedy could happen. I know if I went back today, my sentiments would not be the same. Life forever changed in a moment.

The news of today's tragedy, though physically thousands of miles from my current home, tore through my heart and my soul like no news story ever has before. Just 18 months older than my sweet R, were so many of the victims. As they sat in their classroom, the place that is supposed to be just as safe as their own home (if not even safer), they fell witness to an act that no human should ever have to be a part of. Not as an adult. And most certainly not as a child. Even those who were fortunate enough to return to the arms of their waiting parents, face a lifetime of recovery and healing. Their innocence taken far too early.

As news of the event unraveled today, I watched quietly on my laptop as my daughter sang along with Elmo on Sesame Street, blissfully unaware of the terror that had just taken place. I can't tell you how many times I went over and hugged her tight during those minutes.  I am fortunate enough that she and 16 month old B, are not yet aware of such events. I don't yet have to answer the hard questions. At least not from her.....

The hard questions come from my own heart. How do I, as a mother, make sure that my children are safe? How do I protect them from the evil in the world? How do I maintain their innocence as long as possible? Where does one draw the line between protecting, and sheltering?

Unfortunately, there is no parenting book written that can answer these. The rules are not written when it comes to events such as those that unfurled today. As the daughter of a mental health professional, my educated self knows, that mental illness is a powerful force. It can drive people to do the unthinkable. There is no doubt in my mind, that the shooter in this crime, was indeed a very ill individual.

My emotional self, my maternal self, cannot accept that as an excuse. However, I know that I simply cannot withdraw my children from the reality that is our society. Pretending that bad people and bad things don't exist, is simply turning a blind eye and does not solve the problems of the world. I can however, raise them to know what is right from what is wrong. I can teach them tolerance and acceptance and what it means to be a compassionate human being. By wrapping them in my own love, I can teach them to love in return. I can raise them as well as any of us know how...and hope that when I send them out to brave this world on their own, they will remember the feel of my arms wrapped around them and "be the change they wish to see in the world."  And maybe, just maybe, it will be a more peaceful world than it is today. I can only hope....

There simply are no words to express the deep sorrow that I feel for the families of all of the victims of this week's events. There are no words that can bring them back to their loving families. There are no words that will allow those 20 children to live out the joys of their lives,  birthdays, graduations, weddings, and having children of their own.  All that I can do is work through those tough questions of my own, allow myself to shed some tears, and hug my children a little tighter tonight.

May the world begin to heal and find some sense of peace as we move into 2013.