Look for the helpers....

On days like today, words evade me. In the relatively short time that this blog has been up and running, two such tragedies have occurred here on American soil. Two times, I have had to tear myself away from the news so as not to inundate my children with images of horror that are all too real.

Today, my heart broke silently as Sweet R says to me...."Don't look at it mama. A very bad person did a very bad thing...."

She's 3...she shouldn't have such phrasing ready in her innocent little mind. 

That said, I don't believe in sheltering my children from reality. Instead, I attempt to explain such unexplainable acts in terms that are not quite so scary. I grasp at ways to color this world in a way much brighter than I view it following events such as those that transpired today.

Today I turn to an old childhood friend of mine for his wisdom....

Well said Mr. Rogers. Well said....

Our thoughts are with everyone in the great city of Boston today and all of those whose lives will be forever changed by the horrific events of today. May you find peace in the everyday beauty of life that still surrounds you.

Facebook Baby Swooning....

Gotta love social media.....not only does it allow you to reconnect with old friends and family who live far away, classmates your never would have thought about ever again (but now kinda secretly love to stalk online), and allow you to still pretend you are somewhat relevant and cool by "Liking" the most popular band and viral dance videos, but it forces you to call into question major life decisions.

Since this blog is primarily a parenting blog, I will give you three guesses what I am referring to....and the first two don't count.

Like puppies and kittens, spring is the season for babies. And everywhere I look on Facebook, there are belly-pic selfies and bright red, squishy faced newborns staring me in the eye. Dead in the eye...as though they are issuing me some sort of challenge.  Like the box of Thin Mints in my freezer, "You know you want one more...." they seem to say. And I melt just a little....even for those newborns that belong to one of the aforementioned "classmates I never would have thought about ever again". Because they are amazing.And even though I will likely never meet them, they make my ovaries hurt. They do...

Funny thing, I NEVER would have considered myself a baby person had you asked me 5 years ago. And then I had one....and that one was so amazing that I (ok, WE...I will give credit where it is due) made another one. And he was perfect too. For sure, I am the only mother in the entire universe with TWO perfect children right?? I mean, come on....

I find myself thought-stalking people I see in public (just realized that is the 2nd time I used the word "stalk" in this post...I promise I am not creepy....).  Wondering how they determined the right family size for them. Thinking about if the mom of two high schoolers ever gets baby fever. Contemplating if the family with 5 kids has room for "just one more." Does every mom really just KNOW when they are "done"?  Did the "big family" across the street just say "To hell with the logistics of it all...let's do this"? I can't help myself, I am a planner by nature...and that includes the next 18 years or so.

Sigh....anyone with me on this? Or am I just completely over-sharing? Eh, perhaps, but I am a pretty transparent person (especially in parenthood) and I have a sneaking suspicion I am not the only mama on here to have this cross their mind. Even if I am , writing an article about it makes me feel like I am not...so there. It's my blog and I will ponder if I want too.....(sticking tongue out here).

Don't get me wrong, I maintain that my family is perfect just the way it is.  Because it is. I have come to know a love like nothing I imagined possible since becoming a mom and I know that whatever we settle on down the road will be just right for us. But in the meantime, all you belly-pic and newborn pic posters, just know that I am lingering a little longer than usual on your photos. (Remember, I am Facebook a stalker after all), and chances are they will trigger yet another round of  "to spawn or not to spawn just one more" swooning in this house. No pressure ya'll. No pressure at all.

I bet Mark Zuckerberg never thought his little project would potentially influence the world population numbers did he? Ahh, gotta love social media.

To Lovie, or not to Lovie....That is the Question...

There is a new debate sparking a divide in our house these days...to "Lovie" or not to "Lovie." Next to whether or not syrup should be kept in the refrigerator after opening, this debate is pretty much the most impassioned in recent (or not so recent) history.

So, what is this "Lovie" I speak of? Oh, you know the one... For some it is a rag-tag blankie with various stains on it that you try not to think about being in the crib with your little one...much less them chewing on the corner of during nap-time. For some it is a long eared bunny blanket that was once pink and white, but these days is more a trendy pink and grey theme...she may or may not smell of various baby (or pet) aromas and she may or may not have all of her original appendages.

For Sweet R, the later has been our reality since she was about 9 months old. Our stellar creativity has resulted in her being named...wait for it..."Pink Bunny" and we live in fear of it going missing. I am talking Zombie Apocalypse level fear. We have had some close calls in the past...not limited to baby being dropped on train-tracks before an oncoming train and baby being stuck in a locked washing machine that we simply could not get open. Not to mention all the break-downs that have gone down when PB was simply taking a "bath" and mommy or daddy failed to time it appropriately for Sweet R's nap time. Big parenting fail... Seriously though, when we get in the car to go anywhere, I often look first to be sure we have PB....then I ensure that my children a buckled in appropriately (go ahead...judge away...)

In the past, we have tried to provide a stunt-double PB for things like pre-school naptime or long flights, but we were quickly met with protest....silly us. Surely we know better than to try and fool a 15 month old. She knew the difference instantaneously and as she literally threw the imposter back in our face, she shook her head as if to say, "How insulting...."

With R nearing 4 years old,  we ask ourselves daily when the magic age is that PB will be placed in a nice decorative box and packed away for future grandchildren. Occasionally, we ask R the same question and are met with a look that simply says, "You best be prepared to pay room and board for my floppy eared friend when college comes calling..." Awesome. Nonetheless, PB, has been there for us and made many a day easier with her magical ability to soothe our tiny dancer on the roughest of toddler days. She has been worth her weight (times 1000) in gold or yen or bouillon (whatever is more valuable these days)!

Just last week, Little Dude B has decided that he too has found his first true love. It's name is "Night Night" (a few more creativity points?). NN is the blanket that has been in his crib for the past 3 months or so and like a reality TV Bachelor, he has fallen hard and fast for this particular textile. We're talkin' won't sit at the table without it, dragging it around like Charlie Brown's friend, sleeps with his body curled around it, kind of love. And only if I manage to hide it from him at least 20 minutes before we leave the house, can we get into the car without this cotton-blend friend coming with us.

Did I mention, it is a LOT bigger than R's floppy eared friend? Even more surface area to pick up the filth of the outside world.

My love/hate with NN tends to lean more toward love....after all, it is adorable when he calls for "Night Night" and let's face it, it has stopped more than one melt-down dead in its tracks. My husband however, has yet to find the "love" component of the relationship. He sees the constant washing that will be needed, the prying it out of his hands when we need to make him presentable in public, and the inevitable disaster mode that will ensue when we accidentally leave it somewhere out of our grasp. I totally get it....I do.

But what do you do? The security of a "lovie" is something that every child deserves, but there truly is no reasoning with them when their material friend is in question. I can see "Night Night" now...sprawled carelessly across Little Dude's extra-long twin in his college dorm beneath a few ramen wrappers and energy drink cans....(at least those are the "college life" artifacts that I choose to envision in my son's room....). And then carefully tucked away in his honeymoon luggage when he heads off the Bora Bora with the 2nd true love of his life....

Do your kiddos have a "lovie"? Have you already managed to ease them away from it? At what age? Tell me more...lord knows I am gonna need some help on this one!

Hug your kids....

With my children tucked safely into their beds napping this afternoon, the tears can finally stream down my face. The events of this week, have left me, and the majority of this nation, emotionally drained. There simply are no words that can be put to a tragedy such as that that happened earlier today in Newtown, Connecticut. The crime is unspeakable and the tears this nation is shedding are not limited to the families in the idyllic New England community. This crime has brought mothers, fathers, newsmen, and world leaders to tears. 26 lives brought to an end, 20 of whom are children whose light had not yet had a chance to fully shine on this world. I am not one to use the term "It's not fair...", but this afternoon, my soul aches and that phrase runs through my mind over and over again.

When I head the news of the shooting in Oregon earlier this week, I was shocked. It hit so close to home. Only about 2 miles from our former home in Happy Valley, I walked that mall countless times, often with my children, never fearing for what terrible tragedy could happen. I know if I went back today, my sentiments would not be the same. Life forever changed in a moment.

The news of today's tragedy, though physically thousands of miles from my current home, tore through my heart and my soul like no news story ever has before. Just 18 months older than my sweet R, were so many of the victims. As they sat in their classroom, the place that is supposed to be just as safe as their own home (if not even safer), they fell witness to an act that no human should ever have to be a part of. Not as an adult. And most certainly not as a child. Even those who were fortunate enough to return to the arms of their waiting parents, face a lifetime of recovery and healing. Their innocence taken far too early.

As news of the event unraveled today, I watched quietly on my laptop as my daughter sang along with Elmo on Sesame Street, blissfully unaware of the terror that had just taken place. I can't tell you how many times I went over and hugged her tight during those minutes.  I am fortunate enough that she and 16 month old B, are not yet aware of such events. I don't yet have to answer the hard questions. At least not from her.....

The hard questions come from my own heart. How do I, as a mother, make sure that my children are safe? How do I protect them from the evil in the world? How do I maintain their innocence as long as possible? Where does one draw the line between protecting, and sheltering?

Unfortunately, there is no parenting book written that can answer these. The rules are not written when it comes to events such as those that unfurled today. As the daughter of a mental health professional, my educated self knows, that mental illness is a powerful force. It can drive people to do the unthinkable. There is no doubt in my mind, that the shooter in this crime, was indeed a very ill individual.

My emotional self, my maternal self, cannot accept that as an excuse. However, I know that I simply cannot withdraw my children from the reality that is our society. Pretending that bad people and bad things don't exist, is simply turning a blind eye and does not solve the problems of the world. I can however, raise them to know what is right from what is wrong. I can teach them tolerance and acceptance and what it means to be a compassionate human being. By wrapping them in my own love, I can teach them to love in return. I can raise them as well as any of us know how...and hope that when I send them out to brave this world on their own, they will remember the feel of my arms wrapped around them and "be the change they wish to see in the world."  And maybe, just maybe, it will be a more peaceful world than it is today. I can only hope....

There simply are no words to express the deep sorrow that I feel for the families of all of the victims of this week's events. There are no words that can bring them back to their loving families. There are no words that will allow those 20 children to live out the joys of their lives,  birthdays, graduations, weddings, and having children of their own.  All that I can do is work through those tough questions of my own, allow myself to shed some tears, and hug my children a little tighter tonight.

May the world begin to heal and find some sense of peace as we move into 2013.